The Power of NO

One of my clients told me they heard somewhere about recognizing that

when you say “no” to something, you then make room to say “yes” to something else. He was celebrating getting better at that. And then he realized that we had talked about that in an earlier conversation!

I often bring it into coaching as the question, “When you say ‘no’ to this, what are you saying ‘yes’ to?” I ask myself this question quite a bit now, so much so that it has become a practice. I see it as a type of mindful practice because while it gets easier to make those kinds of choices over time, it also provides an opportunity for me to be more thoughtful and more aware as I make each choice. I notice what’s important and I can check to see if I am making decisions in line with who I want to be or become.

For me this practice came out of difficulty in saying “no” to things I really, really didn’t want to do. Often, I felt some peer pressure to conform or some people-pleasing sneaking out of what I thought were my well-defined boundaries. Then I realized that in these cases I often wanted to spend my time, my money, or my energy elsewhere. In fact, when I said “no” I felt free to be more authentically me and make other choices accordingly.

The reverse can also be true. When I say “yes” to something, I am saying “no” to a whole bunch of other things that won’t fit into my life at the moment. It’s not as if a “no” or “yes” is inherently better than the other. It depends on you, the situation, and what is important to you.

What might happen if you began to look at some of your choices this way?

If you’re having trouble saying “no” to that extra helping of dessert, try a reframe of saying “yes” to better health over time.

If you’re having trouble saying “yes” to taking a day off to do something good for yourself, think of it as saying “no” to the beginnings of burnout.

What else might you notice as you begin make some of your decisions this way?

*There are plenty of situations where the “yes” and the “no” are not binary opposites, and it becomes a more complicated choice. But for the simpler ones, give this method a try and let me know what you think!